I Thought Karma Was Ruining My Life But It Was Just Me

I used to believe karma had a personal problem with me.

Like somehow, the universe kept a running list of my mistakes and decided to collect all at once. Every betrayal, every disappointment, every moment where things just… went wrong.

It felt unfair. I felt targeted. But here is the part I did not want to admit: a lot of what I was calling “bad karma” was just me refusing to let things go.

I Did Not Just Get Hurt. I Took It Personally

Whenever someone wronged me, I did not just feel hurt. I studied it. I replayed it. I analyzed it. I built entire revenge scenarios in my head like I was directing a low-budget emotional thriller where I finally got the last word.

And in those imaginary scenes? I always won. In real life? I just stayed angry.

I Thought Petty Was Power

It started small. A cold reply. A delayed response. A subtle jab that only they would understand. I told myself I was just “matching energy.” Which sounds fair. Balanced. Mature, even.

It was not. It was me choosing resentment in bite-sized pieces, convincing myself I was in control when I was actually just stuck. Because every small act of retaliation did one thing really well: it kept the situation alive.

I Slowly Turned Everyone Into an Enemy

The more I held onto grudges, the more I started expecting people to disappoint me. And when you expect that long enough, you start seeing it everywhere. Neutral actions felt intentional. Mistakes felt personal. Silence felt like proof.

I thought I was protecting myself. What I was actually doing was isolating myself. 

People noticed. They pulled away. Not dramatically, just enough for me to feel it, but not enough for me to admit why.

Rock Bottom was Quiet

There was no big moment, no dramatic breakdown, no cinematic realization. There was just a slow, uncomfortable awareness that I was tired. Tired of being angry. Tired of keeping score. Tired of carrying conversations in my head that never even happened out loud.

And the worst part? There was no one left to blame for how heavy everything felt.

Letting Go Felt Like Losing at First

I did not wake up one day and become a forgiving person. I started small. I let one thing go. Then another. Not because people deserved it, but because I could not keep carrying everything they did. Forgiveness, it turns out, is not noble. It is practical.

It is less about them and more about deciding I deserve a quieter mind. 

Karma Is Not What I Thought It Was

I used to think karma was about punishment. Now I think it is about patterns. What I hold onto, holds onto me. The anger, the grudges, the need to get even—they did not protect me. They just kept me in the same place, replaying the same emotions with different people.

Letting go did not fix everything. But it gave me space to finally move forward instead of mentally living in situations that were already over.

I Am Still Learning (Slowly, Annoyingly)

I still get triggered. I still have moments where I want to be petty and poetic about it. But now I catch it faster. Now I ask myself: “do I want peace, or do I want to be right?”

I do not always choose peace. But at least now I know there is a choice. And honestly, that alone feels like better karma than anything I was chasing before.

Here's further reading that might shed light to the concept of karma...


12 Laws of Karma
This is available on Amazon via my affiliate link: https://amzn.to/4cuJVOa



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Cultivate Empathy Every Day

Image
Empathy isn't just a trait you're born with; it's a skill you can develop through everyday actions and decisions. Cultivating empathy enriches your interactions and deepens your connections. Here's a straightforward guide to weaving empathy into your daily routine without repeating the same ideas. Listen Intentionally Listening is more than hearing words; it's about fully engaging with the speaker. Practice giving your undivided attention, acknowledging what's said, and asking questions to ensure clear understanding. Engage fully: Prioritize the conversation by eliminating distractions. Show engagement: Use nods, eye contact, and gestures to convey you're listening. Clarify and summarize: Check your understanding by paraphrasing what you've heard. Imagine Others' Perspectives Considering others' viewpoints is crucial for empathy. When interacting, try to envision the world from their perspective, especially during disagreements or misunderstandin...
Read more

Self-Reflection: Finding Your Purpose and Peace Amidst Life's Chaos

Once upon a time in my life, I was just a piece of driftwood floating along the cosmic river. There were days when the world's confusion clouded my vision, making each step heavier than the last. Then I discovered something extraordinary, something almost magical—self-reflection.  Not just the casual musings we engage in while showering or before falling asleep, but a deeper, more intimate dialogue with myself. It became a luminous path that led me closer to my Purpose with a capital 'P,' and I believe it can do the same for you. You Cannot Control Everything Let's start with an essential life lesson: you can't control everything. Accept it. Embrace it. It sounds cliché, I know, but it’s a truth so evident it practically glows. I've spent an ungodly amount of time trying to manipulate experiences, to shape them like clay. The reality? They are water, free and uncontainable.  My peace flourished when I learned to accept this. My spirit learned to dance even when ...
Read more

If You Experience the World More Intensely Than Others

Image
Have you ever felt like you experience the world more intensely than those around you? Maybe you’ve been told that you worry too much or that you need to stop overthinking things. As a child, perhaps you were labeled as "too sensitive," with well-meaning adults advising you to toughen up or grow a thicker skin. If this resonates with you, then you might have spent years thinking there was something wrong with you. After all, society often values toughness over tenderness and logic over emotion. But what if I told you that your sensitivity isn’t a flaw but a powerful gift?  For years, I believed my sensitivity was something I needed to fix. I was the one who felt everything more deeply—the one who would cry during a sad commercial or feel anxious in crowded spaces. I was often overwhelmed by the emotions of others, to the point where I wondered if I was just too fragile for this world. But over time, I’ve come to realize that being sensitive is not a weakness . In fact, it’s q...
Read more